Forgive Me
by Cards
Summary: Part of the never ending CardsSpot saga. In any relationship there are things that are unforgivible, for Cards and Spot they all happen around babies.
1. Chapter 1

No one told Katherine how she would know. No one told her that she would wake up one morning with Sean's arm comfortably around her, his face pressed against the back of her neck and she would just know.

The first time, she had known it wasn't right. She was unhealthy, and even without the doctor she would have lost the baby. That baby wasn't meant to come into the world, this one was. She could feel it. This baby was full of life already, making her sick to her stomach as she sat up.

When she had felt that feeling with the first child she had slipped out of the house, throwing up in the gutters, a hat pulled down and her wearing Sean's clothes as she made the way to Adrinana's house.

She didn't hate Magic, not at all. She would never be like Magic, she would never smile coyly or have unflappable faith in anything.

But Magic would know how to get rid of this child that wasn't supposed to be. If Cards was being honest she wanted Spot to ask her to marry him, then have the baby. She knew that in all honesty in Brooklyn marriage went both ways just as easily. But she wanted to have it the normal way.

Magic had seen the desperation in her eyes, the hurried way Cards knocked on the door and had sighed, looking over her shoulder at Bumlets who was sleeping in their bed.

She had gulped, taking Cards to a doctor who she knew did good work and who didn't ruin you chances for having another child. They had talked for the first time.

"You done this before?" Cards had gulped, wanting to cry.

"A few times" Magic nodded "One was Spots" She whispered. "The first one"

"Ever tell him?"

"And ruin what we had? No. I had one of the others though, not Spot's, or Bumlets' I don't know whose. When I disappeared for a few months. Gave it up for adoption"

Cards turned looking at her, nodding.

"It not his?" Magic whispered.

"Might not be" Cards lied. Magic knew her too well, they hardly talked but Magic knew her. Knew that she wanted Spot in a way that Magic never did. And knew that Spot and her couldn't fuck things up. Magic wasn't involved in the gang work they did, she stayed out of it. Preferring to stay with Bumlets, and the way they were together rather then the reality of the world Cards and Spot lived in. Magic knew that if Spot found out and it was his, he would never forgive Cards.

She had done it anyway. Because she couldn't deal with loosing it without it being her choice.

But this baby, Cards could feel it, this baby was meant to live and this baby was going to survive. She turned, moving Spot's hand and looking at his face.

He was so peaceful in sleep, looking like an angel. She wouldn't tell him now. But she knew now.

She would tell him.

Because she could feel this baby needed them.

Author's notes: AWW Little Leo! To clear things up, The middle is Cards getting an abortion from the first time she got pregnant. the begining and end are her being pregnant with Leo.


	2. Chapter 2

Katherine sighed sitting across from Sean, though she knew the reaction he would have and how she wouldn't have to worry about a thing but she still did. She didn't really think that he'd leave her, didn't even imagine it. She knew that the first thing that he would do was stare at her, mouth slightly open and then start smiling.

She wasn't worried about what he would do.

And she was right, Katherine knew it, she sat across from him, not able to meet Sean's eyes.

Sean was growing concerned over the fact that Katherine was so distant, he'd thought that they were getting better. The awkward phase of their life was over again, that they had managed the mix of lovers, friends, and partners. She was sitting across the table looking at his mouth, and not in the way that he'd noticed when they were 15 with a far off smile in her eye and a slight smile on her face. Now she was slightly scared, though her eyes weren't.

Katherine wasn't normal. She'd been distant, she'd asked for Magic's new apartment number a few mornings ago. She hadn't acted this weird since they'd first gotten together.

He reached across the table, holding her hand lightly, stroking her slightly roughed palm with his strangely soft fingers. One of a million contrasting things that struck him about them.

Sean would freely admit to anyone that he hadn't meant to be with Katherine ever, but now that he was he couldn't see any other way, not really if he was honest with himself.

"I'm pregnant"

Sean jerked his head up looking over at her, his mouth open and wide. "What?"

"I'm gunna have a baby"

Sean smiled, standing up and hugging her, gripping her tightly, the only thought in his mind was of the baby that would grow, of the child that he would hold and raise.

And then he pulled away, his eyes, normally so sure were suddenly full of doubt. "I gotta go" He whispered to her, kissing her, his lips pressing against hers in a strangely intimate way. "I'm so happy you gotta know that, right?" He asked her softly. "I couldn't be happier."

Cards pulled away from him, her hands on her hips. "Then why do you need to leave?" She snapped, her eyes full of hurt.

"I just need to get my head straight" he said. Turing away from Cards he walked out the door, running to the church.

Author's Notes: Well this one is actually going to be fairly long, spanning all of Cards' pregnancies and some of Leo's ickle babyhood.


	3. Chapter 3

Sean hadn't been to church since he'd left his Uncle's house. He'd spent time in front of the church, always too afraid to walk in. He'd loved church when he was small. His mother had dutifully taken him and the young boy had loved the way the lights fell on him through the stained glass, was enamored by the priest and his quiet devotion.

He'd gone to the Italian catholic churches and had loved how the preist was able to absolve sins. He'd not entered one since leaving his Uncle's because he'd stopped believing in absolution. He didn't want to have his sins, no matter how small absolved. He would face hell without regret.

Now he was heading to an Irish church, much like the kind Katherine had hated, she'd never found the fascination of church, hated the slightly drunk priest she'd had to listen to. Listening to the complaints of the older people about how mistreated they were. She'd always hated church.

He wasn't going to this church to absolve himself of the sins he'd done. He was going to talk to someone.

James "Preacher" O'Conner had gone to seminary after leaving the newsboys. He'd made the choice long before, when he was about 8. He'd only doubted once before if it was the right choice. He was sitting waiting in the confessional when someone slid in.

"Preahah, I ain't gunna ask for forgivness yet, and I know you ain't gunna grant me none" Spot said, "But right now I gotta choose doing what I want and what's right. And I know I ain't gunna choose whats right."

"Spot!" Preacher said looking at the grating at the boy, who was turned so his face was full to the grating.

"Do you still want Cards?" He asked "Katherine, I mean"

"I'm a preist"

"Wouldn't you give it up for her? If you knew she needed you? 'Cause if you wouldn't I..." He paused

"She never noticed me."

"I got her pregnant" Spot said. "And I know what this church says I gotta do. And I know what I want to do."

"Of course I'd marry her" He said softly "I'd love that child like it was my own."

Spot gulped nodding. "I know you would, you'd be a great dad too." He whispered throat tight with tears he wouldn't allow himself to shed.

"But you know..."

"Preacher. I can't do what's right by her." He gulped.

"But Spot! You have to! She'd be in disgrace."

"No she wouldn't. She'd be your wife. But god, I want that baby. I wanna hold it and kiss it. I want to come home to her. So I can't do whats right by her or that baby."

Preacher paused gulping as well. "You're right, I can't give you forgiveness."

Author's notes: I had this ratteling in my head for weeks. Updates will be slow because I'm busy, but please review if you like it!


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